What We Lose to Make Changes

I like to consider myself a dreamer. Of course, I have hopes and dreams for the future, but in the context of today, I mean I literally give myself permission to dream. I think as we get older and our lives become full of obligations, we are too worried or stressed to allow ourselves to dream.

My sleepy boi. I don't know what he's dreaming, but he's really cute!

If you struggle with dreaming or sleeping for that matter, give yourself permission when you lay down. I mean, it’s necessary to rest and live through REM cycles, so make a bedtime routine. Keep your electronics, books, and obligations off your bed sheets. Beds are for sleeping, mostly. 😉 When you lay down without distractions, just say things to yourself such as:

>I give myself permission to rest and dream.

>After I rest, I will be ready to face anything.

>I am a dreamer.

>Nothing is more important than my healthy body.

Anyways, I bring this up because dreams are powerful even if they are also nonsensical. It seems to me that we see the things in our dreams as symbols. I think generally when you wake up, you wonder what those things mean. It’s almost like we want them to be a sign or signal for something. I mean, there are thousands of dream interpretation books, so I can’t be the only one who feels this way.

For instance, a young adult getting ready to leave for college might dream of falling from a high place, and jolt awake before they hit the ground. This person could have a fear of heights, but they could also be afraid of the unknown. Their world is about to change, and they don’t know the outcome. Just being aware of the symbolism in dreams can help them to process their feelings so they don’t get bogged down by heavy emotions when they are awake.

Let’s follow this thought of dreams being symbols and let me share a dream lesson I’ve had recently with you. It helped me process some feelings, and I hope you gain something from it as well.

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In my dream, I was standing alone as myself on the beach. [You may or may not know, I tend to dream as people who are not me. Meaning, when I do dream as myself, the dream feels more important.] The air on the beach was warm and comfortable. The smell around me was of salt and burning wood. There was a great bonfire close by. I walked up to it and watched the flames crackling and heard the waves crash in the distance.

Then, a peculiar thing happened. A darkened, grey gelatinous mass started to leak from my abdomen like poison tree sap. It felt good to let this mass go. I encouraged the icky stuff to seep out. There was so much it filled both of my hands, so I started throwing it into the fire.

Beyond the mass were cords still connected to something in my body. Naturally, I started pulling the grey, dead, and sticky cords. I didn’t want whatever they were in my body any longer. They seemed to go on forever, and I started to feel panicked. It was as if this ickiness would never end. I ripped away at them with my hands until the dozen or so of them all twanged. It was like the cords were all attached to something solid in my body.

Instinctually, I raised my hands above my head. I felt my spine below my neck and felt a sturdy structure on either side of it. I grabbed the two objects, one in each hand, and pulled. Both hands released my back of a rigid dead rod. It was like pulling two swords from their sheaths, but from inside my body.

I looked at the dark, grey rods. They were blunt, heavy, and in a perfectly rectangular shape. Each of the rods had an equal number of cord ends attached to them in varying spots. Ironically, the darkened cords were swaying in the ocean breeze until the moment they were burning in the bonfire.

I no longer needed or wanted so much rigidity. So, I stabbed the rods into the center of the fire with the remainder of the grey cords. It was an indescribable relief to see the dark, unbending perfection of the rods burn, break, and disintegrate.

Once the rods were gone, I looked to the ocean. The moon was out, and my back felt as free as a floating dandelion seed. I began to dance and laugh alone with the calm night, so I flung sand with my toes and splashed water aimlessly. Then, I laughed some more. I jumped around moving with joy. My spine felt like rubber. I began to move like an elastic band. It was nonsensical and hilarious. My emotions were indescribable.

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I woke with this feeling of joy and wonder. My back and neck [which suffer from chronic nerve issues] felt changed somehow. I was still in pain, but I was different. Perhaps, my mind was the one that changed, not my physical body. I kept thinking about how the rigidity was gone from my mind, and I must be feeling the opposite. However, the emotion was still indescribable because there was no word in my lexicon that made sense. So, I looked one up. The opposite of rigidity is ductility.

Ductility – noun

the ability of a material to have its shape changed (as by being drawn out into wire or thread) without losing strength or breaking

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ductility

This right here ^ hit me hard, and a light turned on in my brain.

I can change and not lose anything…

What a beautiful concept. This word empowered me to live up to its definition. Because of my dream, I felt as though I had the same ductility to be like a fluffy cotton plant that, with the help of others, someday would become a beautiful garment. I simply needed to follow and trust the process.

So, what did all my self-inflicted rigidity mean?

After I felt the rigidity, I possessed the capability to be ductile.

Let me say it another way, because I think this concept is fundamental.

>When we feel an emotion like rigidity, we then possess the understanding of what it takes to have ductility.

>Because we feel distressed, we are able to comprehend contentment.

>In the depths of despair, there is hope in a greater understanding of what it means to be joyous.

With one emotion, we automatically possess the opposite as well.

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I think we are all capable of immense change and awareness because of this fact. We simply have to listen to what we need and have the willingness to face the rigidity we’ve implanted into ourselves. For me, that’s letting myself be a dreamer. I follow the symbols my subconscious gives to me.

Try letting yourself change shape without losing strength or breaking. The tools you need are already inside you. Just find your way of listening to them.

Thank you, my friend, for letting me share my thoughts for I have only life experience to back up my words, not science or degrees. I hope my personal growth helps you.